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beauty
March 2008 
Sabi
Posted on Sep 17th, 2006
by 
Richard
Richard
Had a long conversation with James today about everything from raising kids to what you do when you hit that wall in mid life when you think, "is this all there is?" I shared my conviction that sabi is a way past that. And I really do believe it.
But if that is true, if I am learning to hold life lightly, to accept and be grateful, to notice all the beauty, then why is my life still touched with so much anxiety? It made me realize that despite my intellectual belief about how I should be living, despite my embrace of sabi and the great depth of being it allows, I still spend a great deal of time in old patterns.
I keep thinking of something Michael has tried to show me, the return to a vision, the resetting of the internal clock, the touching of the touch stone. If I am to be a wabi sabi man, a soul in awe of every imperfect moment, if I am to really let go into this motion, this stream of subtle beauty that is poetry, that is the rush of delight in passing on, this wandering beyond control, beyond safe explanations, if I am willing to see that much, then I will have to keep humming that vision until it is stuck permanently in my head. I will need to strum that chord until my very being echoes it back. Unless I am willing to do this, my anxiety will keep surfacing, I will keep being grounded on the rocks in the stream, instead of slipping around them.
The middle of life is a fast water time and the rapids are intense. Epictetus is calling me to that stoic shore, that place where I can handle it by not handling it, by actually taking my hands off the controls and letting the universe be as it is, in spite of my need to understand it.
Richard
But if that is true, if I am learning to hold life lightly, to accept and be grateful, to notice all the beauty, then why is my life still touched with so much anxiety? It made me realize that despite my intellectual belief about how I should be living, despite my embrace of sabi and the great depth of being it allows, I still spend a great deal of time in old patterns.
I keep thinking of something Michael has tried to show me, the return to a vision, the resetting of the internal clock, the touching of the touch stone. If I am to be a wabi sabi man, a soul in awe of every imperfect moment, if I am to really let go into this motion, this stream of subtle beauty that is poetry, that is the rush of delight in passing on, this wandering beyond control, beyond safe explanations, if I am willing to see that much, then I will have to keep humming that vision until it is stuck permanently in my head. I will need to strum that chord until my very being echoes it back. Unless I am willing to do this, my anxiety will keep surfacing, I will keep being grounded on the rocks in the stream, instead of slipping around them.
The middle of life is a fast water time and the rapids are intense. Epictetus is calling me to that stoic shore, that place where I can handle it by not handling it, by actually taking my hands off the controls and letting the universe be as it is, in spite of my need to understand it.
Richard
Access: Public
Letting go of the reins is important to me, but hard to accomplish. My desire outweighs my will. But when I do let go, stay in the now (E. Tolle perhaps) I find great peace and see the world with awe and wonder. I think as middle aged men it is THE important issue facing us; to let go of the past and embrace what is, as it should be. I can hardly wait to read your book(s).
It's funny, isn't it, how we know this, but seem to forget when faced with the busy-ness of the day? Interesting that you think this is THE important issue facing us middle aged men. I had a similar thought recently when I was watching my 16 year old and his friends being all macho, posturing and looking cool. I remember that stage, but have no desire or need to be there anymore. Again - how important it is to be where you are…